So many thoughts, I need to write them down..

I just watched Invisible Children, and that movie is so inredibly moving. It reminded me so much of the heart I have for those people, and I have no idea why. Anytime I watch the suffering, it's like there's something inside of me that just wants to break free and go to them. I've always loved holding people, trying to show them that I care for them and love them, yet in this country, in our spoiled and corrupt part of the world, no one needs it. Yet in those places, being held is something that means more than any of us could imagine. Why? Because they aren't held. I just sat through 55 minutes of children 5-14 holding guns, missing limbs, not willing to cry because when they do they're shot... 55 minutes of heart wrenching wickedness... these children have absolutely nothing. What the hell are we doing in Iraq and Iran when all of this is going on? They're building weapons... yet these children are becoming weapons, weapons that no one cares about and that mean nothing to the people using them, they're invisible. It's a genocide.

I'm going into a rant there, and I don't want to, that's not why I post these things. I want to hold those children and tell them that there is hope; that eventually, when our society is done with making sure our backs are still cushioned against little threats against us, that they wont have to worry about having limbs chopped off, or about being told to shoot their family members. I just want to tell them that there is love in this world, even if they aren't shown it. I want to show them the love they've had ripped away from them. Why is this so strong inside of me?! I hate that I have to live in this damn country where no one gives a crap about anyone else. Even when we say we do, we really don't, otherwise the World would be so different. We're selfish pigs, even I'm a selfish pig. I don't deserve what I have.

On another upsetting note, one of my friends almost died. She jumped out of a car so her boyfriend wouldn't kill her. Now she believes there's a God. Does she really? I don't know, but any chance for her to grow closer is an opportunity for me. I've been working on her for so many years, I got her through highschool, even though I'm a province away and see her once every 3-4 years... I wont ever give up on her. She's so broken, it tears me to pieces just to talk to her. Yet I don't like to tell others, because they label her, they don't know her, they have no right, so I wont put her through that, even if she never knows. Fiona, I won't ever give up on you, never.

God is an answer that she needs to understand... everything else falls through for her, every single time. And if I lived there, I would spend every day trying to show her that things can be different, when she's become numb to any difference. That's what happens when indifference is all you meet, it becomes you. I hate that I can't be there. I hate that I can't be in Uganda. Why am I going to some school, sitting through classes, eating huge meals, living a daily life that would be a miracle sized dream for others? God, why couldn't I have been born into a place where people actually feel?

Exam crunch!

I have been so ridiculously busy lately, it's terrible. However, I do have some interesting updates.

Firstly, boy news! I never really have the time or the chance to fully explain things, so here goes: His name is Joel Tosh, he's a firefighter, security guard, hockey player, and so far an amazing Christian as well. We met somewhat randomly (I chased him down after Theo class because I thought he had been talking about someone I knew and was curious), and after that we just slowly got to know eachother more. Last night we had a little bit of a study date under the stairs, he brought the blanket and I brought the hot chocolate and approx. 100 pages of study work (why do I always have to be the bearer of bad news?), anyhow, it was a grand time.

We've talked about dating, and I still want more time to think it over and such, I refuse to rush it, but so far we get along really well, so after Christmas Break I'll have an answer for him. Speaking of Christmas Break.. I'M SO EXCITED! I can't wait to go home and see Claire, Carolynn, Nicole, Becky, Ainsley, everyone! It's going to be so amazing to see everyone and just relax without the insanely huge piles of homework I always seem to have (honestly, I had so much, I wasn't even able to squeeze in a paper worth 35% of my mark... what kind of Bible College is this, I thought I'd be taking it easy!). Lastnight was my third all-nighter in a row, which has taken its toll, as my head is pounding and I slept from 10 until 2:30 without a thought, and will continue to sleep later on.

Anyway, that's my quick update, I'll add more later, as life is slowing down (thank God!). Tchuse!

P.S: I need to think of something cool to do with my hair dye wise, and I can't wait to show the ladies my cute perm!

Update time!

I haven't written in a while, sorry. I've been relatively busy with life in general, between visiting people, trying to cram in last minute papers, reading, and just spending time doing anything that might bring about procrastination, it's been a good time, but tiring.

At the moment I'm in my room, with my room mate, who (though slowly getting better) is really sick, and it's sort of grossing me out, because she's REALLY sick, coughing, nose blowing, sniffling, it's all there... and contagious, ick. There are some days I'd give anything to have a room to myself, but I know that I'm being awful whenever I think that; she can be quite nice.

I'm getting so excited to go home for Christmas, see all of my friends, eat real food, plan out New Years Resolutions, possibly find a skidoo to steal/borrow, see the kids I babysit, and see my family and adorable puppies! I'm also excited to just have a break where I do nothing, don't have to worry about school work, and can sort of relax, maybe do some workouts and stretching (who knew stretching was so relaxing!).

As for a personal update: I'm happy to be pretty much healthy again after my sore throat/runny nose bout, and God wise, well.. I guess I'm just sort of finding a bit of peace. Vulnerability isn't coming easily, and I find myself fighting it more with each step I take toward it (oxymoron much?), but I've been taking small steps, and that's what counts in the end! Maybe I'll get to spend some time with my bible/hear/learn some encouraging things during the Staff Reunion at Kristin's house!

P.S: I'm still in a "I want to be someone's special someone" frame of mind, I really just need a good cuddling session over a book or something. Cuddle anyone?